Isn’t it a wonderful feeling? You know the one. When you’re newly married, watching that couple in the mall who can’t seem to calm their children down. You’re thinking, “Oh. My. God. Can you believe those parents? Why are they even allowed to have kids? I will NEVER do that!”
I was that girl once. I used to be like, the BEST parent. Before I had a kid, that is. You see, I used to know exactly what every kid needed to be kept calm. I used to be annoyed when a kid threw a toy off the shelf in a store. I used to judge the absolute crap out of every parent who had a kid that acted like a kid.
But now, oh, have times changed. I know what you’re thinking. “Your kid is only 4 months old, how could you possibly know?!” Well, I have learned a lot in 4 months from my own child. But, I have some wonderful little nieces and a nephew who have taught me some things along the way.
Here are some things I never knew:
1. It doesn’t matter what time your baby last ate. If you are planning on eating your own dinner, forget it! You will eat it in an hour. When it’s cold and unappetizing. Trust me.
2. It doesn’t matter how much your baby napped today. They will throw a hellacious fit in the middle of Forever 21 when you have a handful of adorable clothes that only total $15. You will be forced to put them down and run from the store to console your baby.
3. So what if you got up an hour early to make chocolate chip pancakes for the kids? They will wake up and declare a hatred for pancakes and demand a waffle, instead.
4. Who cares if your kids just ate a meal at Bob Evans? Once you get to the mall, they will pretend like you are starving them to death. Your only option is to buy them a giant cookie and a soft pretzel. Then, naturally, they will need a lemonade and some frozen yogurt to wash it down.
5. So what if your kid is potty trained? When you are finally leaving the house in the morning they will stop for a potty break. Suddenly, there’s poop everywhere.
6. Speaking of poop, when you’re checking out at the store and you have 5 people behind you, your baby will have a blowout like you’ve never seen before. You will literally laugh away tears as you walk to your car.
7. At one time or another, an M&M will be a reward for a good deed.
8. So you just put your baby down for a nap, huh? Well, the neighbor is definitely going to fire up the leaf blower and point it at her bedroom window. Just sayin’.
9. So you got a new outfit and you’re going on a date? Well, I’d bet my left arm that the baby spits of 5oz of warm milk all over it.
10.It doesn’t matter what time you decide to shower. As soon as you get the shampoo in, someone will be crying.
Please, please don’t get me wrong here. Kids are the most precious things on the planet. Most of the time.
I know you can relate to some of these! Tell me one of your worst mom problems in the comments!
Happy Weekend, Folks!